Recently, I have had that nagging feeling that can only be described as regret.
I regret that I spent my twenties focused on things that didn’t matter and didn’t fill me. This is not to say that I dwell on those things and feel hopeless. I’m not. I know that pasts cannot be changed and that wishing things had been different is not fruitful. So please stick with me here. I promise these thoughts will be rooted in Christ!
This kind of regret I’ve been feeling stems from the fact that I have so many big dreams now that I wish I had been working on making come true for a long time. But I had no idea in my twenties that I would become a Christ-follower, pursuing ministry and hoping to further God’s Kingdom.
I had no idea in my twenties that I would desire not to be confined to 9-5 jobs and would crave having the freedom in my work to be creative. The job I have right now, working for A Life for Christ, is what uncovered this deep passion for creative work, actually! I know that working and providing are necessary, but I am a firm believer that we are not put on this planet just to pay bills and die. If we don’t love our job and the work we’re doing, it doesn’t seem worth it to me.
Lately, it feels like God has breathed life into another dream of mine, and it is scary.
It’s scary because it’s so big. It’s scary because it could fail. And to fail at the age of 32 while being in charge of raising my child alone and living 1000 miles away from any family that can catch me if I fall…well, it seems even more daunting.
This is what has led me to regret not pursuing these things sooner. My life is further along, so the stakes are higher. If you fail at something at 23, the consequences are minimal. If you fail at 32, though? It feels like they could be catastrophic.
I have been experiencing fear to the point that I have pondered if this is how people end up homeless and living on the streets. Did they try to chase their dream too far and end up falling?
Now, these thoughts and fears are obviously very worldly. We live in the world, and our natural inclination is to worry and ponder all the “what ifs.”
I had a phone call with a friend recently who is someone who pursued her dreams and still is. God spoke through her to me on that call, and I feel called to share what was said with anyone who will listen.
Dreaming With God
Fear of failure is probably the biggest thing that hinders people from dreaming big. We have bills, priorities, and things that require a certain level of stability to function.
This whole thought process immediately made me think of the story of Peter walking on water.
In Matthew 14, Jesus walked on water, and the disciples were terrified and, I’m sure, amazed. Jesus told them, “Don’t be afraid,” and “Take courage. I am here!” So Peter, being the passionate servant of Christ that he was, decided to walk on the water out to Jesus. He had his eyes on Jesus the whole time…until he didn’t.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. (Matthew 14:29-30)
He saw the storm, and he let fear creep in. As soon as he took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. Jesus’ response to him was, “You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?”
It is funny to think about how often we are Peter in this scenario. Have we not learned that with Christ, all things are possible?
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
My friend told me on the phone: "If it’s up to me to make it happen, then it’s too big, and the pressure is on me. But if it’s up to God to make it happen, the pressure isn’t on me.” So basically, if we dream with Jesus and do God’s will, the pressure is not on us to make it successful. It’s in God’s hands. Completely. If it’s meant to succeed and we trust God with it, it’ll work out. If it’s not the path we’re meant to be on, God has a lovely way of redirecting our steps.
But He always takes care of us. We can stress and strive and try to do everything on our own, OR we can trust the Creator of the universe…Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, our amazing Heavenly Father, to keep His promises and be exactly who He says He is.
Hear me when I say this last part, though: We ought to chase those dreams that God has given us. However, we also need to practice discernment and some basic common sense. So, I am NOT saying to blow your life savings on a half-hatched idea with no plan.
I am saying to make the plan but make it with God. Allow Him into it. Trust Him with it in the places where it is scary and stressful. Pray over it, around it, before it. Bring other believers in to pray and speak life over this dream, too, and let the Holy Spirit lead you.
And most importantly, listen to God. Where is He leading you? What steps does He want you to take? Sometimes, the next step may be just to be still.
Regardless of what it is, I am encouraging you to fully give it to God and see where He takes you.
Write the book.
Start the podcast.
Apply for the job.
Reach out to that person.
Start that ministry.
Form that small group at your church.
And don’t be afraid to dream the big, scary dreams.
Love this! I found this very encouraging.