A few Sundays ago, a season known as Advent began. My pastor preached on this and shared some things I had never realized. I honestly have never known what the purpose of Advent truly was. To me, it was about a countdown to Christmas and doing fun daily calendars with gifts or activities. My pastor explained that advent means “coming” or “arrival.” It’s a season where we reflect on history and remember a long, dark period when people awaited the Messiah and the hope He brought. We use this time to prepare for the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
If we think back to the actual time of His birth, the people of that day were in desperate times. They had not received a prophetic word from God in 400 years (also known as the “400 years of silence”) but were holding onto the promise He gave them for a Messiah to come—a hope for the world. The people were waiting primarily for a Savior to free them from the Romans and other enemies. A leader that would give them relief in the world they lived in. Many wanted a warrior like David.
“Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Spirit upon him; He will bring forth justice to the nations.” (Isaiah 42:1 ESV)
They weren’t expecting hope to come as a tiny baby born in a manger, but sometimes, God’s answers look different than we imagine. His plans are always greater, though. Through Jesus’ sinless life and sacrifice on the cross 33 years later, we gained the ultimate Savior. He is our irreplaceable hope and redemption.
The Joy and Pain of Christmas
Christmastime is known as the most wonderful time of the year. People are celebrating and cheerful. There are lights and presents, and sometimes snow. We can romanticize life, sit in front of a fireplace with a cozy glass of hot cocoa, and watch Christmas movies with our loved ones. It seems like every Hallmark movie centers around the magic of Christmas and finding true love (probably in a small town as you try to save the Christmas tree farm.) It can feel whimsical and easy to get caught up in. But for many, it feels more like the worst time of the year.
It’s hard to celebrate and be joyful when you are grieving, sad, or alone.
My son’s dad passed away on Thanksgiving night in 2017. So, the holidays were a little less joyful after that. I know deeply the pain that comes with trying to celebrate when someone is missing from your family gathering who should be there. I remember the first Christmas after he passed away. I have this picture of my son and me that causes my heart to hurt when I look at it now because I can see the pain in the picture. I remember the moment it was taken and how sad I felt. How sad my son seemed even though he didn’t really understand. He was only three years old, but he was grieving, too.
I wasn’t a Christian at the time, so my grief felt all-consuming and hopeless at times. I remember how every “first” holiday or event after that was equally painful. Even if we live for and rely on God in dark times, it will still be painful to lose people. The difference is that our pain is not without hope.
Whether it’s due to separation, divorce, death, or maybe you have been desiring marriage or children, and it hasn’t happened yet. Christmas can be a painful reminder of sadness and loneliness. Of what could have been or what has been lost.
Sometimes, it can feel like you aren’t allowed to grieve or be sad as a Christian. Especially if a few years have passed since the loss. I want you to know it’s okay to still get sad about it, whatever it is. You don’t have to hide or shove it down in the name of having a holly, jolly Christmas.
I saw an example recently that described well how grief works. The picture below shows how grief starts so large and hits the “pain button” constantly. Over time, the grief gets smaller (or the box gets bigger), and the “pain button” gets hit less often. The pain is still sharp and real when it hits, but we learn to move forward with the grief and live our lives again.
Hope in the Waiting
My pastor ended his sermon by saying that Advent is not only about remembering the dark times the people were in as they waited for Jesus to be born but also acknowledging that we may be in dark times as we wait for Jesus’s second coming, too. Joy and pain can coexist, but our hope is in Jesus, who will wipe away every tear.
So, it’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays often bring pain mingled with joy. The important thing is that, as Christians, we keep our eyes focused on Jesus, who is coming back again one day. He will end all the pain and suffering and wipe every tear from our eyes. Jesus is no stranger to our pain. He wept, He felt unsure, He questioned if God had abandoned Him, and then He laid down His life because of His love for us.
I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among His people! He will live with them, and they will be His people. God Himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” (Revelation 21:3-4 NLT)
Advent reminds us that, though life is often filled with hardship, believers can look forward to the Second Coming of our Savior, who will one day make all things right. Let’s hold onto that hope as we celebrate His birth and anticipate His return.
Christians aren't supposed to grieve the way folks in some other religions do. We are to hope in God's mercy and salvation. Still, we need to be honest about our emotions and acknowledge the pain we feel after a time of loss. After our baby girl died at birth, years ago, our pastor and his wife (who had two babies die) told us something much like what the box illustration signifies, that has proven to be true. The pain is less over time, and you feel it much less often, but it will still will get triggered every once in a while. But it does get better over time.